


Missing the Punchline

by perniciousLizard



Series: Fired Up and Bone Weary [4]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, POV Sans, Post-Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 12:10:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6078819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perniciousLizard/pseuds/perniciousLizard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sans starts to get nervous about his next date with Grillby.  It turns out he had reason to be nervous, as things go wrong in a way he never could have predicted.  Grillby is almost late for work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Missing the Punchline

“Oh, Sans, I _am_ sorry. I did not realize it was a secret.”  Toriel sat down on the couch next to Sans and gently touched his arm,  radiating sincerity.

“nah. it wasn’t, anyway.”  

“HE TOLD ME!  I JUST ASSUMED IT WAS THE PUNCHLINE OF ANOTHER BAD JOKE!” Papyrus stood in the door to the kitchen wearing a chef’s hat, apron, and enormous oven mitts.  

“it was both.”  He had never had any intention of keeping the dating thing between him and Grillbz a secret.  If it was over in a couple months, he would have wasted a lot of opportunities for jokes and fire puns.  He didn’t date frequently enough to get those kinds of opportunities often.

“WELL, NOW THAT YOU SAY IT, IT’S OBVIOUS!”

Things had changed, but Papyrus was still deliberately not liking Grillby’s business page on any social media platform, and Grillby was still stubbornly unwilling to admit what a great cook Papyrus was, so they hadn’t changed _that_ much.

Sans sat on his couch drinking coffee out of the pot.  It was a holiday so Toriel had the day off and Papyrus was watching Frisk while she had brunch with the other teachers at her school.

Part of Sans wished he was sticking around to hang out with his brother and the kid all day, but he had lined up date #4 before he knew about the holiday.  The last couple times out with Grillby had turned this one into almost a big deal in Sans’ head, and if he put it off he might just keep putting it off.  He didn’t want to do that.

 

~~~

 

The time between date #1 and date #2 had stretched out, thanks to Sans’ illness, and he had started to wonder if the first one was going to double as the last.  It’d be disappointing, sure, but also kind of a relief.  

He was half asleep over a hot bowl of ketchup and some fries one busy night at Grillby’s when the Grillster himself leaned on the counter in front of him.  

“takin a break, pal?”  Sans asked.  "dogs are howling for service, over there.  but if _your_ dogs are howling, they can just find another tree to bark up.“  

”…just for a minute.“  He looked Sans over.  "You still seem tired.”  

“always up for a nap,” Sans said.  He was exhausted, pretty much all the time, but it wasn’t as bad as it had been.  Papyrus had stopped checking up on him every hour he was out of the house, which was another sign of his recovery.

“…i was going to ask you if you wanted to stay until I closed up, and have dinner.”  

“oh, hey, sure.  why not?”  

“…are you positive?”  

Sans shrugged.  "yeah.“  

Grillby looked exhausted himself by the time he closed up, and probably regretted asking.  That made it easier for Sans, though; it took the pressure off.  They found a pizza delivery place that closed at three and sat themselves down in front of Grillby’s television.

Sans flipped through channels while Grillby judged the quality of the pizza.

"It’s greasy, but not any good otherwise,” he said.

“yeah, it’s wet cardboard,” Sans agreed as he polished off his fourth piece.  It had started out lukewarm, but Grillby had fixed that.  

Sans found a rerun marathon of an old human sitcom, and even though he was missing the context for a lot of the jokes, he liked it enough to leave it on.  Grillby fell asleep after the first episode, his piece of pizza half-eaten on a plate in his lap.  His head fell back and he started to snore, but Sans didn’t notice he was out until the plate slid off his lap and hit the ground.

“and you thought i was going to nod off and ruin the date,” Sans said, amused.  He nudged the pizza on the floor far enough away so that Grillby at least didn’t step in it when he woke up.  

He finished the rest of the episode he was on, and Grillby was still completely gone.  

Sans snooped through Grillby’s things until he found a blanket, probably for guests.  He draped it over Grillby’s shoulders before he left, snickering.  

 

–-

 

A couple days after the second date, Sans came up with a plan for the third.  He sent Grillby a text while he was babysitting at Tori’s place.  

_hey.  i got an idea.  you, me, and this bowling alley i found that opens at 9_

He expected an outright “no,” and then they’d get dinner or see a movie or something.  

_I can’t tomorrow, but the day after that is fine._

Grillby was the type of guy who dressed up when he owned the restaurant and didn’t actually have to, so Sans hadn’t thought of him as a bowler.  He really didn’t know him as well as he thought he did.  

By the time the bowling date _rolled around,_ Sans felt like his old self again.  His energy levels were back up and he could sit down for ten minutes without falling asleep.  

They met outside Grillby’s: Sans in his usual clothes and Grillby dressed like they were going to a fancy dinner.

“lookin good.  kind’ve _bowling me over_ here,” Sans said.  

Sans had actually been right at the start, and Grillby had never been to a bowling alley before in his life.  Sans figured that it was just curiosity that made him go, but another possibility nudged at him. Maybe figuring out what Grillby would put up with wasn’t the best basis for picking a date; not _every_ time. Because maybe the answer was that he’d put up with a lot because he liked him.  

They got to the place right as it opened and Sans could tell immediately that Grillby _loathed_ the shoes.  Every bit of fire monster body language Sans had learned to read _screamed_ it. Sans wasn’t a huge fan, either, but when they were out of sight of the employees and he started to slip on the spare pair of slippers he brought along, Grillby made him stop.  He stood up for the small business owner who ran the place.  Or, he wasn’t going to be the only one suffering.  He _said_ the first one, but Sans was pretty sure he really meant the second.  

Sans was all right at knocking down pins, because he cheated, and Grillby wasn’t good at all until Sans started to nudge the ball a little for him, too, so he was ready to rate the bowling date well below the other two until their order of breakfast cheese fries came in from the small kitchen.  

Both of their opinions of the establishment changed, like a switch was flipped.  Grillby even started to knock down some pins on his own, like the greasy food was a magic elixir that gave you a +1 to your bowling skill stat.  

As they were heading back to Grillby’s place, Sans thought a little bit about how the guy had visited him when he was sick, had made him dinner and bought him chips.  So maybe it was time for Sans to be a little less lazy and show Grillby it wasn’t all on his side.  Whatever “it” was.  

He’d suggested a movie he thought Grillby would like for their next date, and decided to try and stay awake for most of it.  It would be tough, because one of the things Sans liked about the theater was that it was dark and you could nod off if you hated what they were showing you, but there were some measures he could take to stay up through it.

 

~~~

 

He set the empty pot down on the coffee table.  He didn’t feel anything, yet, but it was just a matter of time.

Frisk was in Sans’ bedroom, looking for a better date shirt for Sans.  It was easy to keep the kid entertained when he remembered their need to meddle in other people’s business.  

Papyrus went back into the kitchen to stir the sauce and check on the noodles. 

Toriel said, “Things are going well, are they not?”

“sure.”

“And your health is well?”  She still quizzed him on this, every time she saw him.  One call from a scared-to-the-bone skeleton about his brother not waking up, and he would never hear the end of it.  

“nah, i’m fine now, tori.  you could say my cold _flu_ away.”

She laughed in open and honest enjoyment.  "Oh!  That reminds me of a snail joke!  Are you ready?“

"always, tori.”

“What did the child say when they threw a snail across their room?”

“what did the kid say?”

“How slime flies!”  She burst out laughing.  

He chuckled.  "what happens when two snails get in a fight?“

"What happens?” she asked, her eyes sparkling.

“they slug it out.”  

Summoned by their mother’s braying laughter, Frisk emerged from Sans’ bedroom. They were covered from head to toe in socks, which meant they had opened Sans’ booby-trapped middle drawer.

“Oh no!  My dear child!” Toriel said.  "I leave you for a few minutes and some terrible person… _socked_ you!“

Sans couldn’t hold back his laughter at that one.  He earned a t-shirt thrown at his skull.  It was one of his rare stain-free shirts, which was probably why Frisk picked it.  It said "cutie π” and had been a gift.  

He didn’t particularly want to wear something that reminded him of that period of his life, but after getting a face full of socks for their effort Frisk wasn’t letting him get away with not wearing it.  Toriel found it charming, at least.  

He walked Toriel out to her car and then took a shortcut to Grillby’s.  He was a couple minutes early.  Grillby was outside, waiting for him, but didn’t immediately notice that Sans had arrived.  He was looking up at the sky.  Sans read his expression as “wary.”  He didn’t think he had ever seen Grillby look at the sky with any other expression.  

Not everyone from the Underground appreciated the random unpredictability of surface weather, he supposed.  

Grillby was wearing a black turtleneck and jeans.  Sans really appreciated when Grillby wore sweaters and jackets, because, what was going to happen?  Was he worried he was going to get cold?  It was chilly in movie theaters, Sans had heard from people with skin, but living in _Snowdin_ hadn’t bothered Grillby.  

Grillby took a drink from a clear bottle, his glasses still pointed up.  

Sans appeared next to him.  "hey.“  

Grillby spit a small fireball towards the sky.  "!!!!"  He glared down at Sans, looking bristly and giving off more heat than normal.     

Sans didn’t understand that, but he was positive he shouldn’t repeat whatever Grillby had just said around Frisk.  "fired up about somethin there grillbz?” he asked. 

He looked Sans over and finished off whatever was in his bottle.  His gaze settled on the words on Sans’ shirt, peeking out from under his coat.  Grillby laughed, like a campfire crackling.  "I like that one,“ he said, tossing the empty bottle in the garbage.  

Sans’ soul felt warm, and it expanded out through his bones.  His grin got a little strained.  Grillby was really…something.  

Like he was determined to drive the nail in the coffin, Grillby held out his arm.  "We should go.  We don’t want to be late.”  

Sans took his arm.  If he had at all parsed Grillby’s expletive from earlier, he would have internally repeated it.  He wasn’t prepared for Grillby to be _this_ attractive.

The movie theater was busy for the middle of the week and so early in the day.  Frisk’s school wasn’t the only one that had off, by the look of it.  There were more than a few monsters, too, and the employees didn’t even blink when two more walked in.  

Sans went to stand in line for the tickets while Grillby went to buy himself popcorn.  He could order easily enough just pointing at the popcorn and living with whatever size they thought he said.  Both their lines were long and the only thing keeping Sans from nodding off standing up was the caffeine kicking in.  

He watched two of the movie theater employees escort out an angry looking human.  Someone get caught sneaking in?  Still, seeing a human so visibly angry made him uneasy.  It didn’t help that the guy kept gesturing at a gray-haired wolf man just sitting on a bench by the door trying to mind his own business.  

The couple in front of him in line finished up and Sans took their place. “what’s that guy’s problem?” he asked the young woman handing out tickets.  

“Oh, uh,” she looked Sans over, nervous, “I don’t know?  He was in here yesterday and I don’t think he likes, um, monsters that much?”

Sans stared at her blankly for a second and then said, “welp.  no accounting for taste, right?”  

“Uh, right!  We appreciate all our customers here!”  

“ok.” She had that line memorized.  He got their tickets.  

Grillby was waiting for him, holding his popcorn, looking towards the door. Sans got his attention and they walked into the theater together, Sans dredging his memory for every popcorn joke he could think of, finally having to move on to general snack puns by the time they were properly settled in their seats.  

The coffee started to wear off an hour into the movie and Sans gave up the struggle to stay awake.  He woke up with his head against Grillby’s side, a warm arm around his shoulders.  That wasn’t bad at all.  He reached over and stole some popcorn and Grillby looked at him, betrayed, as Sans groggily munched on one of his last pieces.  

Sans pointed to the screen.   _What? You aren’t watching?_

Grillby flicked him on the side of the skull and turned his attention back to the screen.  

Sans let himself nod off again until Grillby was gently shaking him awake. There were credits rolling across the screen.  Sans yawned and stretched.  "gotta say, the coffee did what it was supposed to, but once it was done, i was done.“  

”…what goes up comes down again,“ Grillby said.  

"gettin profound there, grillbz.”  

Grillby didn’t have anything to say to that.  He grabbed Sans’ arm and hoisted him to his slippers.  

“i miss any good jokes?  any good bad jokes?”

“…not this time.  Everyone was very serious.”  He considered.  “…some of them were so serious, they were amusing.”

“okay.  i can get behind that.”

Grillby haltingly told him about the half of the movie he’d missed as they left the theater.  There were humans loitering pretty much everywhere, so they walked around back.  There were still humans there – two teens leaning against a wall, smoking, and an adult a good distance from the teens.  Sans decided to just take his shortcut around the corner.  He yawned, again, still half-dead from the caffeine crash.  

The adult spotted them and stomped off, but the two teenagers just paused their conversation for a second and went right back to it, quieter.  

“…are you too tired to…?” Grillby asked.

“nah.  wrong kind of tired.”  

“…we could stop at a restaurant near here.  I don’t have to be back immediately.”  

“it’s fine, pal.”  He grabbed Grillby’s arm and started towards the corner the adult human had disappeared around.

But, before Sans got there, that man reappeared.   _Driven_.  Sans recognized him, suddenly.  He was the guy who had been escorted out of the movie theater earlier.  Apparently he had been loitering around for ninety minutes.  

He was carrying a pail, for some reason.  No, for an obvious reason.  He was looking straight at Grillby.  

Sans phased directly in front of the human, taking the brunt of the water.

“hey, bro,” he said, “take a deep breath.”

The man swore and raised the bucket like he was going to hit Sans with it.  It missed.  

“look. today’s not your day.  no need to take it out on us.”  

“Yeah! Man!  Calm the **** down!” yelled one of the teenagers.  

Sans felt a heat at his back.  "it gettin kinda toasty here?" he asked.  

The man tried to hit him again, with his fist this time.  He missed. Sans raised his arm and the man was gently pinned against the wall.  

It got a little hotter.  The man wasn’t looking at Sans anymore.  His gaze was aimed directly over Sans’ head, and he flipped suddenly from angry to terrified. 

Sans lowered his arm and the man sagged to the ground.  He realized he was free and scrambled away.  

Sans turned around and Grillby was just standing there, brushing off his sleeves.  There was a dark char mark on the brick wall next to them and a piece of plastic garbage on the ground had melted into a green puddle.  

"let’s get the hell out of here,” Sans said, tired.  

Grillby looked over at the teens, nodding his head.  

“That guy was a ****,” said the one who had yelled out earlier.  

“yeah,” Sans said.  He didn’t bother taking more than a few steps before he took his shortcut back.  

He sent them right back inside Grillby’s apartment.  If Grillby seemed at all concerned that he did that, it didn’t show on his face.  

“any of that get you?” Sans asked.  

“…you were hit with most of it.  Here.”  He looked Sans over and last of the water steamed out of his clothes.  There was a lingering smell.  Sans was pretty sure it had been moldy rainwater in that bucket.

“thanks.  that guy was a pain.”  

“…” Grillby looked briefly distraught, like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure how.  

Sans yawned.  He just needed to give Grillby a couple minutes to sort himself out.  

Grillby waved at his couch and Sans sat down, slumping.  

“Go ahead and sleep.”

“eh.  weird way to end a date.”  He should just go, really.  Getting up again sounded like a lot of work, though.  

Grillby sat down.  "…better than the way it ends, otherwise.“  

Sans shrugged.  "ok.”  He put his feet up.  He was short enough that, leaning on the armrest, he didn’t even have to make Grillby move over.  

The drop after all the caffeine, the repeated use of his magic, and now feeling safe after that rush from being attacked out of nowhere – they were all conspiring against him.  At least he hadn’t fallen asleep on the bowling date.  

He watched Grillby though half-closed eyes.  He seemed on edge, still, so Sans decided to lighten the mood.  "so last night paps wanted something different for a bedtime story, right?  so i just repeated ‘bursary’ over and over again until he nodded off.“

Grillby tipped his head, confused enough to be distracted from whatever he was thinking about.

"only nursery rhyme i could think of on the spot.”  

Grillby went still, and Sans read that expression as “not sure if he was going to laugh or get angry,” but when Grillby spoke, all he said was “…cursory.”  

“ok coming up with another one immediately kind of ruins the joke.”

“…anniversary.”

“this a hidden talent of yours, grillbz?  got a book of poetry stashed under your bed?”

Grillby did laugh, then.  "…maybe I should get one to put there."

The room was quiet for a minute.  Sans was trying to remember a joke he knew about poets, and it was _right there_ , but he was probably going to fall asleep before he remembered it.  He felt Grillby’s hand on his ankle.  

He opened an eye.

"Sans,” Grillby said.  "I have to say–"  He paused, shook his head, and spoke a little slower, "…i have to say _thank you."_  He leaned closer, hand still on Sans’ leg.  "…it was not enough water to…"  He shook his head, again.  "…but it would have been very painful."

"no problem.  if getting sprayed with water could dust me, the kid would’ve done me in last summer at paps’ barbecue when they found the hose.”  

“…it may not mean much to you,” Grillby said.  He was leaning over Sans, now, struggling to express himself.  "…but it meant…it meant a great deal to me."  

"um.”  What could he say here?  Of course it meant something.  He was glad he’d stopped something bad from happening before it did, for a change.  He’d take any number of buckets of water to the face for Grillby.  "it’s not like you don’t mean anything," he mumbled, finally.  

Grillby was very still, for a minute, his flames flickering without giving any indication to his thoughts.  He was only a few inches away from San’s face.  "…may I…?" he asked.  

"sure,” Sans said, with only the vaguest idea what Grillby was asking to do.

Grillby closed the last of the gap between them.  He pressed a kiss to Sans’ cheekbone.  It felt hot, almost burning, even without skin to really feel it.  Sans twitched, surprised, and Grillby pulled back.

“…sorry.”

“nah,” Sans said.  "not like i mind.  i’m just…"  He shrugged.

"…go to sleep," Grillby decided.  

He really didn’t want Grillby to get the idea he was against the occasional or frequent smooch.  He was just lacking enough energy to make that clear.  

Sans shifted over, slightly.  "yeah.  you too.”  He indicated the small space on the couch next to him.

“…there’s no room.”  Grillby took off his glasses, anyway, and set them on the back of the couch.  That made it tough to tell where he was looking, but Sans was pretty sure it was right at him.  "…i am also bigger than you are."  

"there’s tons of room and you’re tiny.  c'mon.  wedge yourself in here with me." 

Grillby didn’t actually weigh that much.  Despite his concern, having to lay partially on Sans didn’t crush the skeleton into dust or push him onto the floor.  Grillby lay on his side, head on Sans’ shoulder, arms over his ribcage.

"comfy?” Sans asked.

“…you’re a little…bony.”  

“huh. strange.”  He yawned.  It was like he had on a heavy, oddly shaped blanket.  “grillbz.”  He pointed to his cheek.  "land another one here."  

He closed his eyes for it.  As he nodded off, the heat on the side of his skull lingered.  

 

–-

 

An uneasy dream woke Sans up a short time later.  

Sans had expected Grillby to get up as soon as he fell asleep.  But even though it couldn’t be that comfortable a position, wedged between Sans and the back of the couch, Grillby had somehow managed to fall asleep himself.  

Sans wondered if his arm stayed in the position it was, if it could turn to dust independently of the rest of him.  Welp.  He’d think of it as an experiment.  

With his free hand, he poked at the fire that was at the top of what could be loosely called Grillby’s head.  It was warm, and it tingled a little, and his fingerbone turned orange as it passed through.  Huh.

He brushed his thumb against what was probably the side of Grillby’s face.  Same effect.  He had expected poking at his face to wake Grillby up, but he was completely out.  

He thought about prying his arm free and heading home, but Grillby was still being a warm blanket and a soothing campfire screensaver, combined, so he was asleep again before he decided not to leave.  

 

–-

 

An elbow in the ribcage woke him up again, and he looked up in time to see Grillby disappear into his bedroom, door slamming shut behind him.

"grillbz?” Sans pulled himself up on the back of the couch and blearily stared at the door.  "huh."  

He got out his phone and wasn’t surprised to see a message from his brother. 

_HOW WAS THE "HANG OUT” WITH YOUR “FRIEND?”_

It was followed by three winking emojis.  For a second, Sans considered at least hinting that it hadn’t been the best date, and that the reason it had been bad had nothing to do with him or Grillby, but Papyrus would push for details and no actual good would come from talking about it.  Not much ever did.  

_well bro since i’m at the bar about to say goodbye i could say our “HANG OUT” is hung over_

_NO YOU COULD NOT!_

The bedroom door flew open and Grillby hurried out, still adjusting his tie.  Sans glanced at the clock.  "should’ve set an alarm, i guess."  Grillby sure looked _alarmed_.  He chuckled to himself at that one and got up off the couch.  

Grillby was ignoring him, checking his tie in his distorted fridge reflection.  

"honestly, didn’t expect you to sleep for that long.”  

Grillby turned to glare at him, wasting a precious second of his time when he had to open up a restaurant in ten minutes.  

“guessing neither did you.”  

Grillby patted at the side of the flames on his head like he was fixing his hair, which was hilarious and sort of adorable and Sans had to expend of a lot of effort holding back laughing at the gesture.  

“nothing’s on backwards.  what, if you show up late, is your boss going to fire you?”

Grillby sighed, letting out a few sparks and a small puff of ash.  He walked over to Sans and took his hand.  "…other than the one part, this was nice."  

"yeah, i didn’t like the movie much, either.”  

He laughed, so Sans considered the date edging over into mostly positive.  

“…but, I wanted to thank you again.”  

“grillbz, man, i’d jump in the _line of fire_ again for you any day.  you don’t have to thank me for it.”  

Grillby stared at him.

“what?  nothing?  i thought it was too soon so I held off for hours making that joke.”

Grillby shook his head and squeezed Sans’ hand.  "…try it again in a few years."

"all right.  marking my calendar.  but, uh, speaking of time…”

He nodded and let go of Sans’ hand, turning towards the door.

“uh.”  It seemed natural to ask for a smooch a couple hours ago, but now the mood had completely dissipated.  He scratched the back of his skull and walked out the door Grillby was holding open for him.  He waited at the bottom of the stairs, rocking from toe to calcaneus and back again.  

Grillby was still trying to adjust his tie.  "Are you leaving?" he asked.

Nah, his first impulse was right.  Now wasn’t the time, and it was too much effort.  "oh.  yeah.  later, grillbz.”  He shrugged and shuffled off.  

“Soon, I hope,” Grillby said.  

Sans stopped, tipped his head, and turned around.  "hey.  wouldn’t miss it."  For good measure, he winked while he said it.

Grillby’s face turned a strange color.  He seemed unsure what to do, but then he blew Sans a kiss and hurried into his restaurant.  

It should have felt a little colder, with Grillby gone, but Sans hadn’t felt so warm in a long, long time.  He pulled his hood up over his head and started home.  


End file.
